There's this picture of Lee that Danielle took last Tuesday that I just love. It's actually a long picture of him with the bear in his pants, but I asked her to crop it for me so there was a close up of just his face. I LOVE the expression on his face here. Is he beautiful or what? It's hard for me to believe that I didn't notice his beauty when I first started watching Oz. Of course, I noticed his talent immediately, but it took me a little longer to really see how attractive he is. I must have been completely blind. *g*

Since Sunday, my Oz list has more or less exploded with messages. I go off line for an hour and when I go back on line, I have like 30 new messages -- most about Beecher and Keller. I like it that way. I love the discussions about these two characters. I love it when people analyze what motivates them and make guesses about what's going to happen next. That is my favorite kind of post and there have been lots of them.

Most people's initial gut reaction was shock and horror over Keller's betrayal of Beecher. I was pretty upset myself, as I mentioned here. There was lots of blame thrown around at both of them. Some posters have even gone so far as to ``give up'' on Beecher and Keller as couple. I can understand that sentiment. Still, I think I've calmed down considerably since I first saw that preview with Keller calling the police on Beecher.

I think if this happened a year ago, I might have wanted to give up, too. But here's the thing, since I've met Lee, I look at Oz differently than I used to. Before, it was a fandom to get wrapped up in and think about constantly. Now, it's become more of a vehicle for Lee's talent. Don't get me wrong, I still love Oz and I do get involved in the stories, but I can take a step back now when it gets to be too much. And I only just realized that in the last week.

If Beecher does something to piss me off, I just remind myself that Lee is not Toby. He's not even remotely like Toby. Oz is just another program where Lee can showcase his talent. Having spent time in his company makes it easier for me to do that. That probably doesn't make any sense, but there it is. When Lee played a killer on CI, I didn't like the character, but I loved watching him perform the role. So, it's pretty much all about Lee and not about Toby. *g*

~*~*~

I showed my sister the the picture of Lee and I that Susan took. She says, ``He's kinda old.'' Excuse me?! This sister, btw, is 36, just 10 months younger than Lee. She also has this weird fixation on younger men. Her ex-husband is six years younger than her and was just 19 when they married. Every guy she's ever dated is younger than her by many years. Her last two boyfriends were in their 20s. If she meets someone older than her, she immediately dismisses him as being too old. I don't get it. Then she wonders why she keeps meeting immature losers who have low-paying jobs. Okay, end rant. LOL. Lee Tergesen too old. Pfftt. She's crazy. I think he looks fantastic. Big surprise there, I know.

She did eventually concede that he's cute. Well, duh.

My New Favorite Lee Tergesen Quote
(as paraphrased by Chris Meloni)

From The Advocate:

``Look, just because you're uncomfortable with the sexuality going on here doesn't mean you have rain on our fucking parade.''

God, I love that man. He is *so* my hero. Of course, he was before, but you know what I mean. ;) He is just cooler than cool. He's pretty much the coolest. Meloni, too. They are so fucking adorable together.

I'm moving rapidly out of post-Lee Tergesen syndrome and straight into withdrawal. I miss him!

Just found out today that Lee is going to be at the book signing for the Augustus Hill book on the 18th. Of course, I won't be able to go. It's too soon after this last trip. I was thinking he'd be in Florida filming the movie for awhile, but I was wrong. So, I'm going to miss another signing. Damn. Damn. Damn. Ah well. I'll get over it. I am sure there will be other chances to see him again this year. I'm thinking somewhere in the vicinity of July 8 would be nice. *g*

Several times today, something Lee said or did last Tuesday popped into my head and I got the biggest grin on my face. I mean, really big. Oddly enough, no one looked at me strangely as I walked through the grocery store with a huge smile. I guess they thought I just liked shopping.

I am so completely over my anger toward Toby and all is right in the world. LOL. 4giveness was not as bad as I expected from what the seminar attendees told us. Toby was great during that visit. He even brought his baby socks. How sweet was that? He didn't talk about the teacher until Chris specifically brought her up. Yeah, he could have lied, but Chris would have known it. Toby can't lie to him. And when Chris asked Toby to bring the kids to visit, he said, yes, but said not right away. He certainly didn't shut him down like I was led to believe.

Toby didn't start to pull away from Chris until he asked him to do something illegal. Chris played him and played him good. So I'm mad at Chris again and that's okay. ;) Luckily, I took the few days since Tuesday to distance myself from this whole storyline and have decided that I am just going to enjoy it for the drama it brings. Nothing more. I am keeping my emotional distance. It takes too much out of me to get emotionally invested. Still, I'm glad I'm over the Toby anger. I don't like that. It doesn't feel right.

How great was Lee tonight? Wow. That scene in the warden's office? Very cool. And the scene with Chris, too. Very impressively done. I love AnguishedToby but I also love CoolLawyerToby cause he's fucking hot.

I was visiting a former neighbor today, who has known about my Lee Tergesen obsession. She was surprised to hear it was still going on. She knows my strong interest in an actor usually wanes after several months. She saw me through my Terrence Mann and Richard Schiff obsessions and the beginning of Lee. Anyway, we were talking about Lee and she was still unaware of his work, so I was pointing out some things he's done, but she hasn't seen any of his movies. So I asked if she watched ER and she said yes, so I described Lee's episode and she remembered him in it! It made me happy for some strange reason. She said he was good on that episode. (Of course he was!) Anyway, that just made my day. :)

I also talked to my friend, M., today and told her about my trip to NYC. She was envious that I'd gotten to see a play. We used to go to plays together all the time when we both lived in the city. She lives in southern NJ and doesn't get up to the city as much as she'd like. I talked about Lee some more. I already knew she'd missed his ER episode (even though she watches the show all the time) so I asked her if she watched CI. No luck. Someday I am just going to drive up to her house with a bunch of Lee Tergesen tapes and get her just as hooked as I am. She and I often have very similar tastes in actors, music, t.v. shows, etc., so I know she's going to love him. She won't watch Oz though. She hates to watch graphic violence. Ah well.